Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Once upon a time...

Once there was a little girl that believed she was the favorite grandchild. For about four years that was true, that is until her aunt (her dad's sister), got pregnant, dropped out of high school, got married and had a baby girl at age 17. A few years later she had another baby girl, and a few years after that she got divorced and moved in with the little girl's grandparents.

The little girl loved to go in to her grandparents house, it was fun to be able to visit with her aunt and cousins. Her grandmother collected music boxes, this little girl loved looking at the music boxes. One year, she was given a music box and two little statuettes that has sat on her grandmothers shelf. She was so thrilled to receive these. (As an adult she thought to herself that she probably got them because the grandmother didn't want them herself anymore).

Her grandfather remembers her only as a four year old. Any time he talks to her or ABOUT her he recounts the same story of when she would ride in the welfare truck with him to outlying towns to deliver bread. She would make up songs, and then climb up into the back of the truck and throw down the loaves of bread.

The grandmother was very critical of the little girl. One time she was over at the house and she had colored a picture of a cow. She had colored the cow purple. Her grandma said to the little girl "cows are not purple, and wouldn't it be better if you colored within the lines and all in the same direction?" It crushed the girls heart, and also made her very critical of her own artwork from then on.

The little girl loved having long hair, all she ever heard was how she should cut it. How her grandma hated long hair, and that the little girl must not like it either.

As she got older she started to notice a difference in how she was treated compared to her cousins. She started to feel like the prodigal son's jealous brother. The one that did good but didn't get the party and the fatted lamb. Living there in the house with the grandparents, the cousins often got more toys and clothes bought for them then the girl and her younger brothers got. Even when the aunt got her own place, the grandparents still helped support her and the two girls.

While the little girl was getting good grades, and was very athletic and active, her grandma would tell her to watch how she ate or she would get thunder thighs, which runs in the family.

When she was in high school, she was in band, on the basketball team, had a parttime job, was very active in her church activities, and was top 10 of her class. She didn't hear anything wonderful about that, rather all the grandparents could talk about was how her cousins were rude to male authority figures. They had been taught not to have respect for male's in authority, and they were praised for talking back to a teacher, or beating up a boy, or suspecting a teacher of sexual abuse.

When the little girl was all grown up, she graduated from high school, she was the first (and only one) in the family to go to college. All she heard was how could she go to school so far away. Why was she planning on studying music, how could that support her later?

When she got married to an active return missionary, and got married in the temple, did she hear congratulations? No, she heard complaints about how they had to drive to Portland, Oregon for the wedding. She heard complaints about how she was living in Phoenix.

When Christmas time came around woman would receive christmas cards from her grandparents. In it would be a message that would say "we're sad that you couldn't be here for christmas, we would have gotten you a christmas and birthday present if you were here. When do you plan on visiting next?"

At this time, both of her female cousins were no longer active in the church and involved in drugs. The older of the two had a baby (out of wedlock), and absolutely refused to even have the father's name on the baby's birth certificate. The woman's grandparents were thrilled about this new baby, and were so proud that the cousin kept the baby and kept the father away. A year and half later, the woman had a baby boy of her own. She received a guilt trip from her grandparents that she wasn't closer to home when she had the baby so they could visit. The younger of the two cousins got married at the age of 17, just because. Shortly thereafter they moved to Ohio, a few weeks after arriving the cousin found out she was pregnant. The woman's grandparents helped pay for the aunt, cousin and her daughter to move to Ohio. The grandparents even helped support them while they were there.

When the woman's husband graduated from college and was offered an excelled job, she again received a guilt trip. Why do you have to move There? Its so far away, can't you just move here and hope to find a job?

When the younger cousin had her own baby girl, the grandmother bought her new baby furniture.

As an afterthought, when the woman was pregnant with her second baby, the grandmother offered to buy her a new crib too, (she did it for the other cousin, she better do it for her too). When she told her grandmother that she already had a crib but that she would like a dresser, the grandmother wasn't so sure about that. But in the long run decided to follow through.

Three months after her second baby was born, the woman made a trip back home. She stayed for a week and a half, and made sure to visit with her grandparents. One day when she was in at their house she was looking at the music boxes again. She told her grandmother that there was a set of four that she would like to have left to her. Her grandma said something about how she was planning on giving the music boxes out to her daughters and granddaughters. The woman was afraid that if she didn't say something then that everything would end up going to her aunt and cousins. Of everything in the house all she really wanted was those 4 music boxes, as far as everything else in the house was concerned her aunt and cousins could have it. Her grandma never said "yes, dear of course you can have those". She just said "well I plan on giving them all out to my daughters and granddaughters". The woman left the house and the conversation pretty much thinking that she wasn't going to get those music boxes.

A few months later during a conversation with her dad on the phone he told her that he had talked with her grandmother(his mom). He asked her why she said she couldn't have the music boxes, that the woman had understood it to mean she wasn't going to get them. The grandma said "of course she can have them", her dad said, "then why didn't you just say that then"! She didn't have an answer for him. She said the next time the woman was in town that she could take them with her then.

Any time her grandparents would call, she would immediately feel tense, and when she would hang up the phone her husband would always ask why she sounds mad when she talks to them. Her grandfather always asks when she plans to visit next. The last time she spoke to him, again he asked the same question; she told him she really wasn't sure. He told her to make sure she set aside enough time to visit with them this time. She always makes an effort to visit with them, but its never enough, they choose to remember that she has other friends that she wants to visit as well. So he got angry with her and told her that she shouldn't try to spread herself so thin. He forgot that she did visit with them quite often and does every time she's in town (which is really only once a year at the most).

Christmas came around, and her mom and told her that there was a wrapped gift for her from her grandmother, but not to be surprised that it was the music boxes. So even though the woman was prepared for it, nothing could have prepared her for the emotion that had swept over her when she opened the box on Christmas day. As she opened the box and unwrapped each of the four porcelain statuette music boxes from their protective paper she couldn't hold back the tears that were bursting to come forth. She was so overcome with the memory of seeing those as a little girl in her grandmothers house, and the fact that she actually had received them that she couldn't control herself. She finally regained her composure enough for her husband to take pictures of the statuettes.

A few days later when she had talked to her grandma on her birthday, she thanked her for them. She blew it off as if it was nothing, that she had gotten some new ones for christmas and needed a place to put them. It was such a special sentiment, and the woman really hopes that she will be able to look at the music boxes that she received as a young girl and as a mother of two with fondness down the road. It would be a horrible thing if such special items could hold memories that aren't that great.
Posted by ABQ Mom :: 1/03/2006 08:13:00 PM :: 6 Comments:

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