Friday, July 21, 2006

Rule of Thumb

When we got engaged we made a couple of rules that we would always strive to follow in our marriage.

1. Never go to bed angry.

2. Never talk badly about your spouse to your parents.

3. Never discuss your financial situation (specific #'s) whether good or bad with family members.

4. Always kiss your spouse goodbye before leaving the house.

5. Never tell embarrassing stories of your spouse to your friends or family.

6. Keep your marital problems to yourself. As far as your family is concerned you live in marital bliss and always have.

7. Make all decisions together.

8. Never let your children play you against your spouse.

9. If your spouse makes a decision support them in that decision regardless of how your really feel about that decision. You may not like it, but as far as anyone else is concerned you are completely onboard with the idea.

It's #9 I want to discuss. I always assumed this was a rule of thumb that went with every marriage. It's a rule of common respect for the one that you married and promised to love and be a partner in everything. So its interesting to me that there are those out there that would try to get us to tell our spouse that they are wrong.

If my husband makes a decision to do something, I'm going to support him. Telling me to tell my husband that he's stupid and wrong is not what I'm going to do. First of all if you know me you know that telling me what to do invokes a stubbornness button, I will set out to do the opposite of what it is you want me to do. Second, telling me my husband is stupid doesn't make me think less of him, it makes me think less of you.

Understand that if it's his decision it automatically becomes my decision as well. And that doesn't make me weak or subservient, that makes me a strong helpmeet that supports her partner. I will not argue with my husband through the dark of night through loud words, mean names and tears till he drops his idea and accepts mine instead. That is not what a couple does. If there is a disagreement you discuss it like civilized adults, you listen while your spouse tells their side and you wait till they are done before stating your own opinion. You summarize your spouses statement and then talk about your own. If you still don't agree with one anothers viewpoint you try a compromise, find something in the middle that you CAN agree with.

We have been married for 6 and half years now. I do not think that either of us would ever say that we gave up our dreams for the others. We have somehow found a way to make each others dreams and ideals our own or we have found avenues that neither of us thought of originally that we both agree on. Going into a marriage does not mean settling, or letting your own ideas be blown by the wind it means finding something that you can both be happy about and agree on.

Marriage is about having mutual respect for each other, not telling the other to "get off their high horse" because they have an ideal they would like to live up to. It's part of becoming a responsible adult regardless of whether you're married or not. Have enough respect for someone else to allow for them to have their own ideas and keeping your mouth shut if you don't think it's exactly the smartest or "coolest". It's okay to go off on a tangent every so often, go off the beaten road so to speak. If you always stick to the common path where's the adventure?
Posted by ABQ Mom :: 7/21/2006 09:16:00 AM :: 6 Comments:

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